How to understand your Slytherin friends

How to understand your Slytherin friends

 Sure, we’re a Steampunk blog, but sometimes, we can’t help but venture into other worlds of the imagination.  Worry not; tomorrow, we’ll be back to talking about Gears, Tea, and the Kraken.  Possibly all at the same time.

Besides, everyone knows the Moriarty is totally Slytherin.  And that’s about as Steampunk as you can get.

1. Slytherin House, of course, loves serpents. It is hilarious for you to throw your pet grass snake at us during Care of Magical Creatures. With our finely-developed sense of humor, we will respond by playfully filling your bed with black mambas.

2. Sure, many of us are Death Eaters. But that mostly just means that we’d be glad to have lunch with Death, the enchanting character from the Terry Pratchett Discworld books.

3. We have, of course, ended our use of the hateful and inappropriate slur “Mudblood”. Now, if we think you have some sort of mud inside of you, we will simply turn you to clay, so that the term becomes descriptive, not pejorative.

4. Don’t ask why we have a picture of Hot Silver Fox Severus Snape pinned up in our locker. It’s for, um, inspiration because of his heroism and a grateful remembrance. Yeah, that’s what it is.

5. Of course you can have have the password to escape. Just be aware that it’ll be in Parseltongue.

~Jeff Mach

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Jeff Mach runs Jeff Mach Events, which in turn runs the world’s largest Steampunk event, The Steampunk World’s Fair; the peculiar Faerie festival Glimmerdark, and co-runs Dark Side Of The Con (with VampireFreaks).  He’s on Twitter @steamworldsfair.

How To Be As Annoying As A Gryffindor

“Lee Jordan was finding it difficult not to take sides. ‘So — after that obvious and disgusting bit of cheating —’ ‘Jordan!’ growled Professor McGonagall. ‘I mean after that open and revolting foul —’ ‘Jordan, I’m warning you —’ ‘All right, all right. Flint nearly kills the Gryffindor Seeker, which could happen to anyone, I’m sure, so a penalty to Gryffindor, taken by Spinnet, who puts it away, no trouble, and we continue play, Gryffindor still in possession.”
~J. K. Rowling

1. Be academically slapdash, yet clearly be several teachers’ favorite student. Ravenclaws seethe.

2. Go about things in an inefficient, pig-headed, holier-than-thou moralistic fashion, yet always win. Slytherin hearts freeze.

3. Be really brave and loyal, thus rendering Hufflepuff (even more) pointless.

4. Have Great Cosmic Power. Be Really Emo About It.

5. Be aware of all of the above, yet never ONCE stop to wonder why everybody else wants you dead.

~Jeff Mach

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Jeff Mach runs Jeff Mach Events, which in turn runs the world’s largest Steampunk event, The Steampunk World’s Fair; the peculiar Faerie festival Glimmerdark, and co-runs Dark Side Of The Con (with VampireFreaks).  He’s on Twitter @steamworldsfair.

You Might Be A Dark Victorian If

You Might Be A Dark Victorian If

What’s a Dark Victorian? It’s someone who likes their Victoriana a little on the shadowy side. Let’s be real: Goth and Steampunk have shared fashions since the beginning. If you’re a Steampunk who’s into the more haunting side of life, or a Goth fascinated by the 19th century, real or imaginary… you just might be a Dark Victorian.

(This is a crossover piece between Dark Side Of The Con and The Steampunk World’s Fair.)

Here are some signs of which you ought to be aware:

* You see dead things and think ” Yes, that would like lovely on my hat”.
~Athenya Wu

* You have a favorite graveyard for picnics (yes, the Victorians TOTALLY did that.)

*Your leather corset is black.

*…and you wear it to work.

* You think “Nightmare Before Christmas” is a documentary.

* You know occult history better than regular history.
~Tim Thrae Smith

* Your “memento mori” are all cheery holiday scenes.
~Tim Thrae Smith

* Your favorite date spot is an abandoned asylum with bleeding walls.

*You get mistaken for a Haunted Mansion cast member when you go to Disney World
~David Rogers

* Your daily wardrobe would make Lestat blush
~David Rogers

* You don’t avoid murder; you just wait until the bloodstains will go well with what you’re wearing.

* You wouldn’t want to run into Jack the Ripper…because he has terrible etiquette, and uses the wrong paring knife.

*  You use HP lovecraft quotes as pick up lines.
~Renee A. Gaul

 

~Jeff Mach (with contributions from many friends)

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Jeff Mach runs Jeff Mach Events, which in turn runs the world’s largest Steampunk event, The Steampunk World’s Fair; the peculiar Faerie festival Glimmerdark, and co-runs Dark Side Of The Con (with VampireFreaks).  He’s on Twitter @steamworldsfair.