Three glasses of green absinthe with fairyAbsinthe Secret Guacamole Rustico

It was pointed out to us that there are few things more Steampunk than guacamole.  Think of it: You take a rich, ripe thing which is a paradox in and of itself (for it’s technically a fruit, but we treat it as a vegetable – how can one thing be both?  And yet it is!) – and you pull off its outer shell, revealing something luscious inside.  You then take that lusciousness and transform it by simultaneously smashing it with heavy implements and adding spice.  Finally, you douse it in absinthe, set it on fire, and serve it.  PLEASE DON’T DO THAT LAST THING, WE’RE JUST KIDDING ABOUT THAT.

What you CAN do is this other amazing trick:

  • Take about a half a shot glass of Tequila – we recommend something of a higher quality, with a purer flavor.
  • Take a little bit of your preferred green food coloring.
  • Mix the two.  You’ll get something that LOOK rather like absinthe, as long as no-one sniffs it.  If you’re dining with serious absinthe experts, let them in on the secret in advance.
  • Right before you finish mashing up the guacamole, preferably in front of an audience, add the tequila. If you make the guacamole BEFORE serving it, try this trick: Fill the WHOLE shot glass with your pre-greened tequila, then, just before you invite people to consume your treat, carefully splash half into the dish, mix it up a bunch, and theatrically finish off the remainder of the shot.
  • This isn’t just for show! The tequila will REALLY bring out the lime and the salt and the contrasting flavors.  And people will think you’re some kind of genius who managed to make absinthe go with guacamole.  It’s up to you whether or not you let them in on the secret.


Yield: 2 cups
Skill Level: 1

  • 4 ripe avocados, halved, pitted and diced
  • 1 cup finely diced red onion
  • 6 cloves garlic, minced
  • 2 jalapenos, halved lengthwise, seeded and finely diced
  • 2 plum tomatoes, seeded and diced
  • ¼ cup chopped cilantro
  • 3 tablespoons lemon juice
  • Coarse salt to taste
  • Tequila! (Masquerading as Absinthe)


  • In a medium-sized bowl, combine the red onion, garlic, tomato, jalapeno, and cilantro. Stir to combine.
  • In a separate bowl, mash one portion of avocado. Add it to the medium-sized bowl and stir gently to combine.
  • Repeat with the rest of the avocado, and then add the lemon juice and salt.
  • Throw in the tequila!
  • Taste for seasoning and adjust as desired.

From The Steampunk Cookbook, by Jeff Mach