I think I speak for all grumpy old men of Steampunk when I say: “BAH! HUMBUG!”
I suspect that the next entry here will contain some kind of holiday cheer. For everyone who’s up for that sort of poppycock, you should probably check tomorrow’s entry. But for now, let me give you some of the benefits of using Steampunk to avoid the holiday season.
7 Some people are dreaming of a snowy white Christmas. I dread that, my thought, which is precisely why I have my Steam-Powered Weather Alteration Device set to “Volcano.
6. Want to avoid awkward conversations at dinner? Just show up in your full Steampunk garb, complete with an assortment of weaponry. Everything becomes much more polite.
5. Don’t want to give presents? Just do what I do… give everyone tickets to events that have already happened. If they’re too lazy to own time machines, that’s on them.
4. Food coma from too much turkey and other festive food? Just slip your goggles off your top hat and over your eyes, and nobody will know you’re asleep!
3. Did Santa leave you a lump of coal? That’s fine; you can just use it to stoke the boiler in your airship. Then you can chase after his sleigh and get the GOOD presents.
2. Television wasn’t even invented in the Steampunk era, which is an excellent excuse not to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” for the millionth time.
1. Remember, if anyone asks…you’re not a mean, nasty cuss; you’re just reproducing a beloved figure of the Victorian era – the one and only Ebenezer Scrooge!
(As told to Jeff Mach of Jeff Mach Events.)
“Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster.”
“I happen to LIKE oysters, thank you.”